i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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