You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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