Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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