"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
