Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
