Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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