He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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