If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
