My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
