How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
