Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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