Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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