I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable