p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.