Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...