Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks