The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence