While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't notice because vodka
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
