Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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