You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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