I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Pooping to opera.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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