how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
