Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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