Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
