I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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