So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
