Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize