OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
