She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
