I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
