How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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