giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
