Your face is a jimmy john
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
