I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
