I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
