Your tits are I can't wait for
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
