8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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