Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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