The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
