Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
