Don't make out with my wife yet
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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