Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
