apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
