You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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