my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
