Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize