I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
