i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
