I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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