You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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