i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
