there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
