just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
not ubering you a puppy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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