Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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