she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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