I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
