Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
