Who wears a wallet chain?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
