Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
