I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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