so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
