I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You were trust falling into bushes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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