The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
