and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
