My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
