I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
