He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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