as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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