when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
