I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
