hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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