mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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