I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
