No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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