Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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