Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
