its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
